Ex-wives and their opinions of ex-husbands suck. One must wonder why the court system puts a priority on the financial support to maintain the lifestyle of the woman over involvement of Dad in the kids lives. Father's rights groups continue to argue for equal and shared parenting, Dads like me are willing, able, and want to be part of our childrens' lives. However, a presumption occurs in "husband penalty court" (Family Court) that the kids must live with Mom, Dad is relegated to see them every other weekend and one night a week. For that privelage, Dad typically pays 50% or more of his net income.

When divorce occurs Mom gets the house and Dad finds himself looking for a place to live. With the financial burden placed on him he cannot provide a comparable lifestyle. Thus, he finds a small apartment, trailer, or home in a shit neighborhood. Soon he finds his kids don't want to come see him and he is pushed out of their lives.

What would happen if we started with a presumption of equality? Both Mom and Dad would be required to provide equally for the kids, share equal time, and work together to raise them - just as if they were married. Without a "my time" and "your time" scenario, or punishment for success by the court system, the conflict at home would die down. Children would benefit from both parents.

My personal situation had us both living within 4 miles of each other until I lost my job. The courts rewarded my ex-wife with the opportunity to work part-time, even though her potential to earn income as a Family Court attorney was significantly higher. At first I had a liberal visitation schedule, and was very grateful. But, she maintained there would be no excess time and constantly worked to avoid the legal wording of Right of First Refusal. Repeatedly the legal system had to be invoked to maintain my role as a father. Ultimately, when I lost my job, I lost. I remained stunned that a judge, whose husband worked in the same office as my ex-wife, could rule that "until I had nothing left" I would not find relief. Along the way I sold assets, lost my home, and liquidated 20 years worth of savings. Regardless of the "stuff", I lost my kids - having to move 500 miles away to find work.

At first my ex-wife worked with me to help facilitate seeing the kids. Ultimately, she took the position the burden should be entirely on me to come visit them - requiring time off from work I don't have, keeping them from their new brother, pets, home, grandparents near me.

Let's try this - shared and equal parenting with equal custody. Tomorrow, no questions asked, we could live in the same town, split time with the kids, and have no child support. Our kids would benefit from both parents living within miles of each other and being able to participate in school events. Considering child support is nearly twice the amount of most mortgages, until that financial relief comes I will not have the wherewithal to be part of my kids lives.

Our society has chosen to reward those who do nothing and take advantage. My ex-wife is a taker, a leach, and failing to teach our children personal responsibility. I challenge the lawmakers to take a tough look at the presumption of custody and ask how it has evolved to personal idebtedness for one party and a winning lotter ticket for the other. The children lose one parent along the way and never know the importance of a father in their lives.